The Deep Places

I was looking today at an application form that I will have to fill out sometime in the next few days; everything seemed fairly standard until I came across List your five best attributes. Now I haven't gone through that many application forms, so I don't know if that's a normal kind of thing to ask for or not, but it instantly struck me as novel, odd and quite shrewd. Because what you will discover from reading answers to that request is not what peoples best qualities are - but what they think they are and would like them to be. Humans are usually poor judges of themselves, but they give away a lot of information unconsciously. So of course I began trying to assess the question in light of answering it and instantly had to bat away a few words that fell into the "would like to be" category. I'm no stranger to introspection - indeed sometimes I wonder if I concern myself with myself too much - but it's not an easy task to sit down and sort out ones good points realistically. Still, I think I'll manage - I've done far too many hours of soul-searching and mental philosophizing to be stumped by a self-evaluation poser.

Many people (apparently) don't spend time thinking deeply about 'life, the universe and everything'. They're perfectly happy to tread through life enjoying simple pleasures and enduring (or bemoaning) simple pains. And strange as it may seem I do not look down on these people. I envy them. In my less sane moments I fervently wish I had been born into their world. They will never in this life know what I know or experience what I experience - and that cuts both ways. They are not aware of some of the sublime concepts that I have been so fortunate to discover, but they will also never be troubled by the dark places that I've unrooted. When Odin gave his eye in return for the knowledge of everything past present and future he was never able to smile again. Fair enough. May I never come remotely close to sharing his fate.