"Our movement is contained within a larger one..."

The programme for the Comps. has still not arrived. It's weird how much this is dominating my thoughts; after all it's not like anything that it will tell me is going to make any difference to what happens. I won't have to reschedule anything. It isn't a pragmatic (perhaps not even a reasonable) impulse that drives me to check the mailbox at 12:30 pm precisely every day. Rather, it's something that is comprised of four parts curiosity, three parts compulsion, and three parts of plain old "It's bally well supposed to be here by now, hang it!".

Meanwhile my prep for the same is going rather more according to plan. My programme (the performance item, not the booklet) is taking on a somewhat unexpected air of spontenaity, which has come as a pleasant surprise. My greatest weakness as a performer (as far as I know) is over-craftedness and lack of from-the-gut speech and action. So I'm quite pleased at the turn things have taken (probably largely nothing to do with me). It began with the programme theme. Last year I picked a theme that sounded noble and deep, then chose three pieces to suit it. The result wasn't horrible, but it was a wee bit contrived. This year I stumbled on three pieces that I loved at first sight (and still do months down the line) - and then all of a sudden a theme sprang up from them. And the surprising thing is, it worked. How well it worked we'll find out in July, but I've got a handle on it in my head and heart; that's got to count for something. I still havn't fleshed out exactly how I'm going to present it, but it has to do with our inability to change the great things in life and our struggle for control. All three pieces feature a character who is utterly out of his depth, and yet only the last individual will admit his complete helplessness and submit, almost, to being carried along. A profound dialogue which one of the characters is involved in (not within the bounds of my programme, unfortunately) centres on travelling in a boat. You can move around and rattle about as you wish, no one is stopping you, but your movement is contained within a larger one which carries you along inexorably . . . This is the key note for the whole theme. A little non-conventional? Certainly. But that's what came, and I'm not complaining. Maybe it's a idea people need to be exposed to. Maybe it's something I need to learn from - for in performance, though the audience always comes first, you may in the end gain more than anyone else.